Not anymore.

Hi there!

Finally, I got time again - yeah. When I'm back home in July, I will have more time to post things! But here, everything is just sooo exciting!

In the few months I spent time away from home now, I really found myself! I qualified for the State Forensics on my first tournament, and broke into finals again in my second one (without qualifying).
Honestly, now even my mom is convinced! She'll let me go to an acting school in LA as soon as I turn 18!

Okay. However. As I said - I found myself here. What that means? I'm so done playing nice. Seriously. It's just not me. I mean, sure, I like to help people, give advice and all that stuff. But I don't see the sense in trying to make people like me anymore. I wanna dress the way I like. I wanna talk the way I like. And I don't wanna hear "Aw, she's so cute" anymore. I don't wanna have a lot of friends - I just need one real friend. All the others are nice and stuff, but it's like out of sight, out of mind.
I want to wear heels, color my hair, wear the makeup I like. And I'm sick of being judged for it before I even do it, I'm sick of getting weird looks when I just talk about it. Look at me however you want to, I don't care anymore.
People say "Live your life the way you want to be remembered" and mostly interprete it as: Don't hurt anyone. Be nice to everyone. Don't say what you feel. Society is like "Be who you are" and then says "No, not like that." Honestly, I'm done.
What if I want to be remembered as a "bitch"? Maybe I want to be remembered as the girl who dressed the way she liked to, did what she wanted and cared about nothing and no one's opinions at all. Maybe I want to be remembered as the girl who cussed, freaked out, just let go of everything that made her unhappy and then stood in the rain and started dancing and shouted "Fuck it all". Maybe I just want to fuck everything and everyone and just do what makes me happy. People who love me the way I am will stay with me and the rest doesn't belong in my life anyway.
I just don't care anymore. Fuck it all. Because, in the end, who else but me will there be? The only person I can disappoint is me, and I choose not to do that.